U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize