nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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