I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
