Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
