Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I touched a dick in church today
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
