I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize