I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
