I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
