After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You had me at "let me see your balls"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
