No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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