can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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