I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
