yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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