shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
