i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
