Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
