We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize