yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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