Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Randomize
