is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
