So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
50% drunk capacity currently
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
