It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
