well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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