Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I wish my penis had an off switch
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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