so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
