i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
