Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
