I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
