Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
