Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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