It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Randomize
