if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
