I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
