I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
When did angry sex become our thing?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
