At least make sure they are 18
Why
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
