how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
