Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
