Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
