just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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