I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
