Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
