I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
