I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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