There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Randomize
