I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
