I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
