I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he thought i was a dude.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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