my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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