There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
