doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
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