If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize