I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
