She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
