It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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