I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
why do cheetos always look like penises
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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