yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
