i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
