I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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