she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
