Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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