my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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