I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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