evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize