Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize