I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
