ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
