I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
