Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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