The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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