the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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