Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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