i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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