My first STD was from a foam party
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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