i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
whose parrot is this?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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