thus making me awesome and them whores
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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