There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
