piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
