im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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