her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
