I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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