Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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