i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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