so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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