Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
