another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
