I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
