there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
