pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
