Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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