so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
