and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Randomize
