Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
