My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
