Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
