at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
