I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize