Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
