If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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