So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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