I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
