it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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