I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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