My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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