when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
