You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize