i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
