I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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