tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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