This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
