I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
