stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
